I never have the answers immediately when I wonder about why or how I
love her. It always takes time for my mind to remember and solve the
equations... And then realize.
I was asked about two hours ago how I could be in love with her five
years ago...
I really was in love, but I fought that love because I was clearly
aware that it was somehow "useless"... And I did manage to hide those
feelings. I had so many reasons to do that...
But she was always in my heart. I've never forgotten her. And every
single letter I received made my heart beat very strong. Stronger than
any other letter. Still, I couldn't believe in love between us... Even
if I could, I didn't want to... It was somehow scaring me.
So what when I met her ?
Well, when I really looked at her, I was in a bad posture and I look
around me until I looked at her. For a very few little seconds I
thought about her a bit deeper, and I lost my balance, so I fell.
Feelings don't care about anything. They are where they are and they
do what they do.
So I was just telling myself that she was so wonderful. I suggest
myself that if ever I married her, I would certainly be the happiest
man on earth... You know, this kind of thoughts don't happen often,
they really don't.
I had a single second to think and so I turned it, I hid it, into a
joke... That was pretty "fun"...
Those feelings were not usual love. I didn't feel as any other time. I
just wished for the future. Well, I did love spending time with her.
She was so interesting. (And I was really amazed).
Now it's really amazing that I still know her. Things have changed a
lot : I'm totally mad in love with her now... and I've met her just
often enough to make it a bit hard to count... (I don't know the
number by heart anymore... tonight I will count... ^_^)
--
It took so much time for me to accept my feelings. Now they have like
exploded in my heart, which is full of her picture.
She's becoming a really fine woman, slowly. Well, I'm saying that, but
... she is one thing better than any perfection...
And it's like I'll never feel this way for anyone else on earth. It
scares me sometimes...
You know, I'm really proud to know such a girl. Then I'm really proud
to be in love with her.
...
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